i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
