R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
