im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
