I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
