is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
