i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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