i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This baby is an asshole
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
