I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
