paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
