Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
