If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
