Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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