The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
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yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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