I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
