Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
