I wannas sexs uuuuu
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
