Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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