We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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