i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
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