There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
