The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
