Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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