You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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