I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
