so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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