whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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