I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
