I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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