I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
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I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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