I am spending my child support on dildos
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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