We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
