Im at strip club and am horny
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
