I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize