On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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