I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You left your underwear on the fireplace
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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