You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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