I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
