there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
