It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
