Non-Jews are for practice
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
