so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
