oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
