jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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