Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
