as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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