I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
