??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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