I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
