yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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