I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
