You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
