garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You may now shotgun with the bride
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
