i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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