He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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