Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
