Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
