I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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