dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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