the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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