Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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