Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
