It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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