I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
