it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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