I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
